Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
