pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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