Already got asked if we're dating
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
