so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
