On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
