He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
