Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
