Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
