I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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