Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
