everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
