i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
