Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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