they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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