we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
