We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
