i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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