my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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