You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
