walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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