i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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