That's when you crack a 10am beer
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
