Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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