Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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