He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
