You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
