Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
