just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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