maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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