people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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