Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
