well he's currently spooning the coffee table
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
