He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
