I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
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Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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