Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
