All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
