I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
