is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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