im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
