i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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