I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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