Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
