Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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