I'm really into asian looking animals
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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