Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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