I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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