i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
