guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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