We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
