I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
