Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Houston, we have a squirter
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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