I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
