I heard we made out
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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