i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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