I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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