I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
