I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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