WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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