You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I faked an abortion last night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
