We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
