I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
