Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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