Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
