she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
not ubering you a puppy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
