It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
