Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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