he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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