Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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