wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
