You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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